AOCM

When the Going Gets Tough

The Venerable Donald Allister is the Archdeacon of Chester

Note: This is a very personal article, quite deliberately. It would be all too easy to list the points that might be made, almost like a prescription for what to do when life is hard. But we are all very different as people and there is no one-size-fits-all formula. So here are some reflections from me which I offer with the hope and prayer that they might help others.

This summer I celebrated the 30th anniversary of my ordination as deacon in Chester Cathedral. I wasn’t able to share the celebration with my parish, as I had done five years before: my present ministry is fully itinerant with no parish base. But still it was an occasion for much thankfulness; and then taking part in the ordination of deacons in the same cathedral just a few days after the anniversary was very special to me. I have been greatly blessed, have experienced much joy in ministry, and can honestly say of each of the roles I have had since ordination, including my present one, that it felt while I was in it like the best job in the world. But I wouldn’t want to pretend that it has all been easy.

Over those 30 years I’ve faced financial, family and personal pressures, opposition from church members and from parishioners, numerous subtle and not-so-subtle temptations and opportunities to fall from grace, complaints sent to the bishop about me, and even a media campaign which led to hate mail and death threats (all painful at the time but nothing like as bad as Paul’s experiences related in 2 Corinthians 11:23-28). I am very conscious too of several of my contemporaries and colleagues who have dropped out, or been thrown out, of active ministry. Part of my job now is to provide pastoral support for clergy: very occasionally I have to help someone to take time out of ministry, or even to leave it altogether, because of the pressures involved.

There are very real pressures, and there is no point trying to play them down. We should know anyway that following Christ means carrying a cross. It is also the case that many of the pressures shared by people in other walks of life seem greater to those in ministry. Tied housing, the need to move house as well as job, the “unsocial hours”, the public exposure of self and family, the expectation of high personal and family standards - all these, together with the astonishing propensity of believers to grumble against their leaders (going back at least as far as Moses), can all add up to make life tough for the clergy even when things are going well.

Over the years I have received support through individual Christians, fellow clergy, the diocese, the national church, and other bodies. At different stages a chat with an older and wiser priest, a thoughtful phone call or note or a lunch invitation from a rural dean or a bishop has been a great help. So have gifts or grants towards holidays or to help when children have been ill. Clergy networks have been wonderfully supportive, both the official diocesan and deanery ones, and the unofficial meetings of friends or like-minded colleagues.

I have to confess though that until coming into my present diocesan job four years ago I had no idea of how much thought, time, energy, prayer and money bishops and their staff teams devote to supporting parish clergy. Dioceses are all different, and bishop’s staff meetings must vary greatly, but ours cannot be the only one where we regularly pray for the clergy, especially those we know to have difficulties, and look actively at how we can help. We ask rural deans and others to let us know when there are cases of hardship or illness or signs of pressure or stress among the clergy. And we don’t see that sort of information as an indication that the priest is not up to the job: it is simply a matter of seeing where we can help clergy to cope with the pressures we all face from time to time.

So my advice to those about to enter the ministry: don’t keep your problems to yourself. Develop a support network, make use of your deanery and diocese, be ready to ask for help or advice or support. You can access help from the diocese in whatever way is easiest for you: your incumbent and rural dean and suffragan and diocesan bishop are all human, and (even if I say it) archdeacons have a lot of resources they can draw on and a lot of experience in helping clergy. I have been able to obtain for clergy: debt, marriage and other counselling (at no cost), numerous grants, even all-expenses-paid retreats or getaways. Often I’ve been able to suggest a local Christian with the time and experience to listen and if necessary offer advice. I can ask rural deans or clergy of well-staffed churches to give some practical support to single-handed clergy or to provide cover so they can have time off.

These sources of support are important for when pressures come, but much more so is a healthy relationship with God. It is not true to say that a Psalm a day keeps the problems at bay; or that meditation on Christ’s sufferings exempts us from suffering ourselves; or that participating in his death through Holy Communion spares us from having to die a little each day in his service. It is true though that when we are focussed daily on the scriptures and the cross, when we are regularly feeding on Christ through word and sacrament, we can more easily keep our problems in perspective and accept opposition or hardship as appropriate for Christ’s servants and friends. God’s grace is wonderful, and really does strengthen, support and transform us. But it is so important that we do not neglect the “means of grace” when things are easy: good spiritual habits are tremendously helpful when life gets tough.

But we can also be even more positive than this about the way that experiencing God helps us in the troubles of life. Once when I was going through a tough time (on this occasion my problem was the sense of a huge burden in a pastoral situation I was trying to help with). I reached 1 Samuel 30 in my daily readings. David and his men return to their camp to find it destroyed with their women and children taken captive. They wept “until they had no more strength to weep”. Then David’s own followers turned on him, even speaking of stoning him. “But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” That final sentence of 1 Samuel 30:6 caught my attention. I went for a long walk to pray and meditate, consciously seeking God himself and strength in him rather than solutions to my problem. When I got back the problem was still there, but the burden of it had gone - and I was very conscious of God, more confident in him, and (though this seemed less important) able to say things that needed to be said into the situation. This experience, and others like it where a particular scripture and/or prayer time (some private, some with other people) profoundly changed me by bringing me consciously into a deeper union with the Lord, is very personal and hard to describe. But I believe it is at the heart of perseverance as a Christian and in God’s service. There is something about casting yourself totally on God when things seem impossible which brings about not only deep peace but also a joy which is “inexpressible and glorious” (1 Peter 1:8).

We have weekly morning prayers in our diocesan Church House. This week they were led by our Diocesan Surveyor (responsible for the maintenance and repairs of vicarages). Mike is an active member of his local Baptist Church, but he reminded us of John Wesley’s “Covenant Prayer” (actually adapted by Wesley from an earlier prayer but still regularly used in Methodist circles). The attitude towards God and the intimacy with God which it demonstrates lie at the very heart of who we need to be to live for him and serve him.

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.